Allah's gift

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Lover? Friend? But not both...

We have all seen the movies and all silently thought to ourselves that it was about time she woke up. You know the one that the guy hangs around the girl he’s in love with in the hopes that their friendship will turn into something more. She ignored him throughout three quarters of the movie and then when her heart is broken over some jerk she runs back to her best friend and changes the dynamics of the relationship. Yeah, it was about time she woke up. But what about him? How long did he hang around, waiting for her to notice him?

Real life doesn’t play out like that. Real life isn’t written by someone with commercial interests and thus real life is more likely to slap you with some pretty interesting alternatives. Hanging through the long-winded complaints about how wrong he has treated her and watching her endlessly return to him can be frustrating at best. Why are you doing it? You aren’t all that likely to get the goodies by being a faithful companion. If that’s what she needs, then she needs a pet, not you.

There are plenty of guys who literally place their lives on hold for years while the woman they want passes them over time and time again, appreciating their friendship but never really looking at them as potential for anything more. When a woman first meets a guy she does instinctively know within the first minute or two which category she is filing him into. If you end up filed away in the friendship file, forget it, as you will be stuck there forever. 

Moving on is not always easy, especially if you have been secretly pining over a woman for years. First of all, stop the secrecy. If you are interested in being more than that handy friend that picks up the pieces and cleans up the messes, then just be upfront about it. If she goes into the routine of how much she loves you, as a friend and nothing more then why on earth are you hanging around. Do you really believe that she will one day wake up and realize that she needs you or are you delusional when it comes to the power you think you have. How exactly are you going to make her want you? 

There really is nothing wrong with maintaining friendships with the opposite sex if that is something that you want. However, when and if you start harboring feelings for her and you keep it a secret, you are not really being fair to either one of you. First of all, she is going to treat you differently than she would treat someone she was sexually or romantically interested in. She is going to unknowingly send you signals that you are going to mistake as interest, because that is what you want to believe. She is going to let her guard down, which means she is going to end up feeling betrayed. The situation is only going to go downhill from there. After all, she really believes that you are her friend. 

Confessing to a "friend" that you are developing an attraction is a risk, but "man up" and get it over with. The longer you wait, the longer you are putting your life on hold, the longer you are being in-genuine with you and her, and the longer you are developing sexual fantasies that are less likely to come true the longer you wait. If she isn’t interested in you, and you hang around being her faithful little pet, the more likely it is that you will find yourself being used. You will become her handyman, her shoulder to cry on, possibly her loan department, and everything in her life is all about you. Why demean yourself like that when there are plenty of women out there who can recognize that you are all you’re cracked up to be and would be happy to make you happy? 

Women have a way of knowing when they have the upper hand and many of them aren’t afraid to use it. This leaves a guy hurting pretty bad when he finally wakes up to the realization that he has been used. You have the power to get out of those types of situations and you have the power to refuse to be manipulated like that. If you’re going to choose to play the game, you’re going to have to deal with the consequences. It’s really that simple.

So, how do you get yourself out of it? You have figured it out, you have confessed, and she has turned you down. So now where do you go? It’s really a function of simply moving on. Thank her, or not, for her friendship while it was good, tell her that you aren’t interested in being just friends and so you will have to remove yourself from the relationship. She might think this is weak, but then she isn’t the one fighting off her emotions every time she’s around you. The sooner you get back on the horse, the better. Go out, talk to women, find someone to casually date or just hang out with the guys for awhile. But change the behaviors that kept you running back at her beck and call and move on accordingly. It might sting at first, but over time you will see how cool it is to break out of a one-way relationship. 

This thing never will end...

I wanted to stop blogging since i have this feelings of betrayed by people that love to blog and spreading rumors or betray their friends by selling their friend's secrets by blogs. Do u think this things will end when u just telling everyone your friend's behavior or secret inside your blog? 


Maybe its your right to write anything that you want in your blog. But do u have to humiliate people from your blog? Don't you get enough? You lost everything... Allah want to show u by these things that happened in your life. But then, babe.... you still don't realize it. Poor thing~

All i hope is this thing will end up in peace or otherwise i hope i will never see u again. not in next semester or not even in degree bcuz all the dirt that u make can't be clean by your innocent face!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Dear beloved friends....

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me..

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Date with a fat girl?

You can probably think of few reasons to date a fat girl, but let’s get to the real reasons. Dating a fat girl can be the best way to meet the right person in your life. Reasons to date a fat girl are many, but we’ll concentrate on the ones that will help you make the right decision.
  1. Fat girls are fun and easy to talk to. Fat girls are usually more concerned with their brains than their looks.  This means you can never be bored around a fat girl. They always have interesting storiesand they wont care what they look like rolling down a hill, going on the ferris wheel, or posing for funny pictures with you. Fat girls have fun everywhere they go.
  2. Never Go Hungry. Do you really like Ethiopian food? If you do, you probably won’t find a fat girl there. They may be up for trying the fare though since they are generally interested in trying any food once. Fat girls love it all! They’ll try that Thai food restaurant you’ve wanted to go to. Anything that tastes good is on their menu.
  3. Lose Weight with Your Girl. Fat girls love to do things with other people. While a thin girl may keep up her appearance, she usually has a pretty set program for working out. A fat girl is up for anything as long as she can spend time with you. Fat girls will be more readily willing to go for a bike ride, skating, or working out at the gym.
  4. Enjoy Nature with Your Girl. Fat girls are more willing to be out in nature than skinny girls. Some skinny girls prefer to shop and are more involved with their outfit than paying attention to nature’s beauty. Fat girls will be up for a hike any day of the week.
  5. No Jealousy. Many other guys may look at your fat girl, but not too many will hit on her. Thin girls get hit on all the time. You never have to worry about your fat girl getting picked up by another man.
  6. Gain Her Trust, Gain Her Love. Gaining a fat girl’s trust is easy if you are a good man already. All you have to do is be yourself. That’s all she expects. You don’t have to put on any fronts or even pick her up with some corny pickup line. Fat girls will like you for you. All you have to do is be yourself and gain her trust.
  7. Take Her Anywhere. Fat girls are up for anything, remember? She will go anywhere you ask her. Take her on an exotic location and you will have nothing but fun. No complaints or long hours of her in the bathroom getting ready. A fat girl is excited to get to go to the beach or wherever you want to take her.
  8. Not Wishy-Washy. If you need an opinion about something, ask a fat girl. Fat girls have dedicated their time to their minds, not their bodies. They know almost everything or will find out for you what you need to know. If you like talking and like being around opinionated people who see differing sides on things, date a fat girl.
  9. Laugh it Up. Fat girls love a laugh. If your past skinny girlfriends didn’t get your humor, try a fat girl. They usually will find you funny and appreciate a laugh. Since they aren’t concerned about themselves as much as skinny girls, they are more open to laughing with your jokes.

Telling the truth...

As i have few adopted cousin, I like to read about adopted thing. I wondered when and how my aunts will manage to tell them the truth. Their presence are miracle in our family.Opening your heart and your home to an adopted child is an exciting and wonderful experience.  Although people adopt a child for different reasons, the purpose is the same: to give a special child the care, love and attention he or she will otherwise not receive from his own family.  But then when the time comes for the child to learn more about himself and his history, most adoptive parents become confused and uncertain.  When do they tell and how?  Better yet, should they?

If you are an adoptive parent to a wonderful child and are considering about telling your child about his history, here are some things you need to know:

You should tell.
Most experts agree that adoptive parents should inform the child that he or she was adopted.  Keeping it a secret or allowing the child to discover it on his own may have a negative impact on your relationship as a family and on the child's emotional state.  In fact, waiting for the child to be older or to become an adult in order to tell him about his history could upset his sense of security. 
It is even worse if your child learns of his adoption from somebody else.  This will not only come as a shock, it might also cause the child to feel betrayed, having been left in the dark for so long and believing a totally different image of himself.  Furthermore, it is your responsibility as an adoptive parent to inform the child of his past in the same way as you owe it to a biological child to tell him about your family's history.

When do you tell?
As to the right time to tell the child, there are two opposing views about this matter.  Some child experts recommend that adoptive parents tell their child as early as possible so that it is easier for the child to learn about his adoption and accept his circumstances.  It is also much easier for the child to embrace the truth if it is something that he grows up with.
On the other hand, there are also experts who recommend that adoptive parents should wait until their child is a little bit older in order to give him the chance to process and understand this new information.  These experts believe that older children are more likely to accept and live with their adoption than younger kids.

How do you tell?
Regardless of when you decide to tell your child he was adopted, you should do so in a matter-of-fact way.  Don’t put too much fanfare into it or stress the adoption process too much.  Parents who try too hard to explain to their adoptive children the whys and hows of adoption often manage to sound apologetic. 
Also, don’t tell your child in such a way as to make his adoption seem like a token or a gift that he should work for.  Inform your child of his adoption in a loving and protective way by making him feel he was chosen because the parents wanted to take care of him.  Try to calm feelings of fear or anxiety in your child during this time.

Be supportive.
Of course, the child will want to ask about his birth mother and father.  Be as honest as you can be, but try to treat the subject with sensitivity and understanding.  Be supportive and available when the child asks these questions. 
You might want to tread lightly on the subject of the child wanting to meet his biological parents.  Certain situations may not always allow this possibility, especially if the child's biological parents have expressed no intentions of meeting their child or if there are more sensitive circumstances (parents are in jail, rehab or mental care, etc.).  If there is a chance for your child to meet his birth parents, let him know of the possibilities but make sure not to promise him things that are out of your control.

Don’t change anything.
Telling your child that he was adopted shouldn't change anything in your household.  Treating him differently or being more careful about your conversations will affect him in a negative way.  Don’t make your child's adoption a reason to bestow more attention, especially if you also have biological children. 
Best carry on as usual and provide as much love and attention as you have before he was informed.  Just because you adopted a child doesn’t mean you love him less and just because he came from another mother doesn’t mean he should have different opportunities and chances.  Better yet, once the conversation about his adoption is done, don’t bring it up over and over again.  If your child mentions it again, answer his questions but don’t prolong the talk.

When you need help???
It's always best if the adoptive parents can personally tell the child about his history.  Having a third party in the conversation may leave the child feeling awkward and vulnerable.  After you tell the child he was adopted, try to observe if there are manifestations of ill feelings or a sense of preoccupation on his adoption.  If these things happen or escalate, you might want to consider the assistance of a child psychiatrist to help you deal with the situation.


After reading this story, i tend to post it to my blog as it can be inspiration for all adopted child..

My soul family
I found out I was adopted when I was 41, 7 months after my adoptive father passed away (my adoptive mother passed away when I was 23). When I was sorting through his stuff, I found my adoption papers buried among old documents in a cardboard box that was under the desk in his study.
The moment I read the papers, it was as if I found the missing piece of my life's puzzle. I'd realized I was part of a Soul Family, a band of kindred spirits.
My adoption papers include the names of my birth mother and (to my surprise) birth father. Because they have different last names, I assume they were not married. It looks like this was a private adoption, no organization or third party was involved. That's all I know about my humble beginnings.
My adoptive parents were 42 years old when I entered their lives. They were both previously married. Mom was a widow and Dad was divorced when they met. People often thought they were my grandparents. When we explain that I'm their daughter, they'd look at us in disbelief.
I have a sister 19 years older than me, we've never lived together. She was adopted by my mother and late husband. Her family history was not kept a secret. She was 2 years old when her birth mother passed away, her father remarried shortly after that. Although her father and relatives did not want to raise her, she kept in close contact with her siblings. Because we didn't grow up together and the age difference, we're not close but we do keep in touch with each other, more so after my Dad passed away. Being adopted is what we have in common though the fact that I was adopted never came up.

Stumbling across my adoption papers was a pleasant surprise but not a total shock. When I look back in hindsight, a few weird moments finally made sense.
When I was about 8 years old, one morning out of the blue a boy in my class turned around in his seat and said to me, "You are adopted." I didn't know how to react, so I said nothing to him. When I saw my Mom at home that night I told her what he said. She immediately dismissed the thought, "No, no, no. You're not adopted. Your sister is adopted. He means your sister is adopted."
The boy's family are close friends of my family, he may have overheard his family talking about me. My Mom must've lectured that family and others because no one ever mentioned anything about adoption to me from that point on.
There were occasional heated arguments between my father's cousin (Aunt B) and my Mom. I remember the last argument she had with Mom, she repeated the words, "You are a liar." As Aunt B was leaving our house, she said to me, "Your mother is a liar. You should ask her why." When she left, I asked Mom what the arguing was about, she simply replied, "It has nothing to do with you. It's between us."
When I was about 19 years old, I had my first full-time office job. I had so much fun with the ladies there 10 to 15 years older than me. Jokingly I told my parents that they were my office mothers. Mom almost had a meltdown when she heard what I said. I've never seen her so upset. But when my Dad said to her, "She doesn't know" she calmed down. I thought that was strange.
The whispers "She doesn't know" were often in conversations over the years, usually at gatherings. Once I asked my Dad what they meant by it and he'd say, "I don't know".
As you can see, I did sense something was going on whether or not it was about me. I felt out of the loop, I was definitely excluded from some conversations.

Certain memories will stay with me forever.
I remember the most lavish birthday parties as a child. My parents didn't hold back. My Mom had fun planning for months. The house was decorated with fresh floral arrangements and tons of balloons.There were usually 3 different types of cakes, beautifully decorated -- and a dozen hot dishes that took days to prepare.
In his declining years Dad and I had talks over dinner at home. Most of the time I didn't understand the point he struggled to get across, but it seemed very important to him so I'd listened attentively. I felt he wanted my assurance that I felt loved and wanted. At times I felt he was preparing me for something.


My adoptive parents went to great lengths to hide the truth. They were the type of people who wanted to do the right thing, so if they were told to keep this a secret from me they did so with the best intentions. No one discussed any of this with me, but from what I've observed Mom may have been heartbroken that she couldn't bear children of her own especially since she was an only child and her mother died in childbirth. She told me that because my adoptive sister did not feel belonged, she got married young and quickly embraced her new family. She never got over this.
So when I came across my adoption papers, my feelings about my life didn't waver. My family doctor explained that it's not necessary to find my birth parents for medical history purposes, tests would be enough to determine any health issues. I therefore had no need to seek out my birth parents. What would be the point of dredging up the past.

I thank the stars for bringing us together
I thank the stars for bringing us together
I don't have emotional scars to deal with. I just wonder if my birth mother or my birth father got married and had other kids.  I have wondered where they might be living now, and if they've ever thought about me. It'd be neat to know that I have a relative out there somewhere who looks like me, or have personality traits like me. These are only things that would satisfy my curiosity, not important to make a difference.
I'd like to believe that my late parents' spirit live on and they can still communicate with me. It'd be nice for them to know that now that I am older and wiser and I understand the world a little better, I'm beginning to see things the way they did. I couldn't ask for better parents, our personalities are so perfectly matched. I am exceptionally blessed.
To be showered with care so exquisite is such a wonderful experience. I hope you've been able to get a sense of what this feels like from this hub.

First impression

Do you know that first impression might turn your life in a minute. But how to make a good first impression? These give you a head to start making a good first impression. ^_^

  1. Step 1: Make an entrance

    Take a few moments before you walk in to a room and realign your posture. Bring your shoulders back and down and put a smile on your face. Scan the room and look around as this will make you look a lot more positive and thus creates a good first impression.

  2. Step 2: Your handshake

    Make sure you give a good, cool and firm handshake. Look the person in the eye and remember to smile at them.

  3. Step 3: Posture

    Practice sitting down in front of a mirror, in the outfit you will be wearing, to see what is going to work and what isn't. Sit well in the chair as this will make you look more confident. Rest your elbows on the arm of the chair and maybe cross your legs.

  4. Step 4: Hand gestures

    Make sure you don't use barriers such as folding your arms as this will make you look too closed. Use nice open gestures and good emphatic gestures when you speak, and make sure you keep your hands below shoulder height.

  5. Step 5: Mirroring

    Use mirroring to create fast-track rapport. This is achieved by slightly copying the interviewer's body language which will help you come across as more approachable.

But if you give a bad first expression, there are few ways for you to bounce back from it. Just chill la babe and do this steps! ^_^

  1. Step 1: Don't beat yourself up

    It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and says things they wish they hadn't. Don't magnify the situation in your head. Most people will give you a chance to redeem yourself and show them the person you really are. We'll show you how.

  2. Step 2: The failed joke

    It sounded hilarious in your head - but for some reason no-one else seems to agree.

    The failed joke might seem like social suicide, but it is redeemable. The simple trick here is to not let it bother you. It is important to recognise that your joke was not funny. If a mirthless silence descends, close it with a self-debasing phrase such as "It sounded funny in my head"; or "Wow, that wasn't funny at all". Then quickly move on to something else. Don't let a tumbleweed moment linger.

    Don't try too hard to make up for it and convince people you really are funny.

    Instead, relax, keep quiet and wait a while before trying to make another crack. In a very short space of time, people will completely forget your failed joke and their impression of you will be formed on who you are rather than what you said.

  3. Step 3: Inadvertent offence

    It may be that your well-intentioned comment has done more than fail; it may even have offended a new acquaintance.

    If this is the case there are several steps you can follow to bounce back.

  4. Step 4: Stop digging

    At the moment the words have left your mouth, the damage is done. A common mistake is to immediately try and justify what's been said.

    This invariably results in creating even more of a problem for yourself. Don't dig your way into a giant hole of social disapproval.

    Instead, once you've realised your mistake, stop. Apologise immediately and sincerely. But keep it brief and then move on. Walk away, talk to someone else, or offer to get a drink.

  5. Step 5: Give them space

    Accept that you have offended that person, and hounding them for the rest of the evening isn't going to earn you a place in their good books.

    Leave them alone, and get to know some other people.

    After a suitable period - towards the end of the party, for example - approach them again.

  6. This time, speak to them one-to-one. Don't try to over-explain anything, but offer a sincere and considered apology for your thoughtless comment. 
    Hopefully your sincere apology will have convinced the offended party that you aren't a horrible person, and in future they will be willing to give you a second chance.

Friday, August 13, 2010

A good listener

Do You Know What To Look For?

A good listener is worth their weight in gold and one of the most important foundations in a relationship is for both partners to be good listeners.
So whether you are already in a relationship and are looking for a good listener to use as a role model or if you are looking for the love of your life and one of your criteria is someone who is a good listener, it is always good to be able to recognize a good listener. 

So the following are ten signs of a good listener:

You Can Feel That The Listener Is Fully Present And In the Moment With You:
You can tell the difference between someone who is fully in the moment with you versus someone who has their mind on something else is when you are talking to the unfocused person you will get an urge to rush through what you are saying versus when you are with a person who is totally focused on you, you will feel at home and that you have all the time in the world to say what you have to say. With a person who is totally focused on you, you will almost feel like sighing because you feel so supported and because you feel like you are truly the centre of their attention.

The Listener Will Keep Eye Contact With You:
The listener will keep constant eye contact with you, only looking away on occasion to prevent staring or awkwardness.

The Listener Will Nod, Smile And Give You Auditory Feedback:
A good listener will nod, smile and give you auditory feedback such as "Mm hum", "Yeah" "I see" or "No, really?" in a sincere and interested way to encourage you to continue and to indicate that they are listening.

The Listener Will Encourage You To Continue Talking:
As you are talking, they will encourage you to continue talking. For example they will say things like "That's really interesting" or "I find that interesting, please continue "or "I'd like to hear more."
The Listener Will Parrot Back What You Are Saying When Appropriate:
Every once in a while, a good listener will parrot back what you say to indicate they are paying attention and that they are right in your story with you.

The Listener Will Only Finish Your Sentence When Appropriate:
A good listener will only finish your sentence when the timing is right, not to try to rush you through your story or to help you out when you are at a loss of words, but to show that they are on the same wave length as you.

The Listener Goes By the 80% Listening, 20% Talking Rule:
A good listener knows that the art of being a good listener (whether that is because they just intuitively know or because they are actually aware of the rule) will listen approximately 80% of the time during the course of the conversation and spend only 20% of the conversation talking.

The Listener Will Keep The Conversation Focused on Your Topic of Discussion:
There is nothing more annoying than to open a conversation with someone and they change the topic on you in the middle of what you are trying to express. This often happens when the person gives you an example about themselves to show that they understand what you are saying but then they keep going with their example or take the opportunity while the attention is on themselves to switch topics. A good listener if they feel the need to use an example to back up what you were saying will keep it short and will return the conversation back to what you were talking about.

The Listener Will Ask You Thoughtful and Open-ended Questions About What You Are Talking About:
A good listener will ask you thoughtful questions that will lead you into opening up into further detail about your topic of discussion. For example, they may say something like " So you work in the Marketing Department, tell me about some of the duties that you are in charge of or what specifically are in you charge of or what aspects of your job do you love?"

The Listener Knows How to Empathize With You:
When a good listener feeds back how you are feeling, their description of the feeling or emotion will actually match how you are feeling. If they are off, they are dedicated to finding out how you are truly feeling versus throwing out a bunch of descriptions of how you are feeling in hopes of eventually guessing the correct feeling or emotion.
If you recognize a good listener in your life, tell them you how much you appreciate them. If you are still looking for a good listener to come into you life, it is both worth the search and the wait, because not only will they create a wonderful communication foundation for your relationship, they will always make you feel special and supported in expressing yourself.

Dheeya NF's Bukumuka

Art? try on!